Between God And Me
by Chalcedony Rivers
Summary: A series of drabbles in the form of prayers to God by a few of the more major characters. Mentions of Hernst, Wendlior, Morilse and oneside Maritz. Also contains a challenge.


Our Father,

It's me. Do you remember me? It's certainly been a long time, father. I cannot say I missed your presence. I always felt so hounded by it. I will not lie to you, and I will say I enjoyed the attention it gave me, but that was not my reasons in doing so. But, now, Father, I find myself needing you. I need your guidance, and I need your help. Why did you take them from me, Father? My beautiful Wendla Bergmann, my friend Moritz. Why did you feel it necessary to rouse them to Heaven? All they ever did were acts of innocence and good. Wendla believed in you with a passion that would shake the ground we walk upon, and Moritz only ever asked for your love and forgiveness upon him. So why did you feel that two such gentle souls had to be taken from me? Was it because I was arrogant? I admit to my arrogance, Father. I admit that I was a fool, and that I was ignorant. Do you hear me all the way up there? I admit it! Did you think that by spiriting them away that I would return to your flock? Well, think twice. You took the only good things this hateful Earth provided away from those who needed them. I needed them, Father. What good is anything now? Watch me, Father – just watch me. I'm calling. And one day, all will know how you turned your back on us! God…is this it? This can't be it…

Amen.

Our Father,

The night is long and the wind is harsh. Of course you know that – you created it. This metal, so soft and comforting in my hand, you created that too. You created everything. That's what they taught us. It's something I managed to remember, even when I didn't manage to remember anything else. Will you still have room for me up there, I wonder? Will you remember the little lost soul that roamed the Earth with death in his hands? I shall hope you accept me. I still have faith in you, Lord. Melchi says you are just a creation drilled into our skulls while they are still soft to stop us from doing wrong, but I say that if it stops us from doing wrong, it can't all be bad. Not that I say that to his face, of course; I have partaken in and lost arguments with him before. If there is love in heaven, will I be forgiven? I have tried, Lord. I have clutched onto life by my fingernails, but there can't be hope here for me anymore. I'm sure this little prayer will be lost on the breeze, but I want to ask a few things of you. Please let them find me. Please let them forgive me after death. Please accept me into your eternal love. Please don't let me be scared…I'm scared, God. I'm so scared…

Amen.

Our Father,

Thou art in heaven; hallowed be thy name…I can't do it. I can't think properly, not whilst this man has my wrist locked in his callous hand, dragging at the skin. I just want your help, my Father. Please help me; please tell this man to let me go! He is an agent of Lucifer, I can tell by his ragger breath and the hellfire in his eyes. He is going to hurt me – I can sense it. Please, God, help me! I have always worked in thy service and done many charitable things. I have sinned, and I know it, but all I ask is thy redemption, and for this man to let go of my hand before he harms me! Why did Mama send me to go with him when it is so obvious he is a man of evil? Please let somebody hear my cries as he stifles my mouth with his hand. And, oh, my child! Please do not harm my child! He would have his father's eyes, with thy blessing. If there is love in heaven, and I believe that there is, bless him, Lord, for he is innocent and has done nothing, nothing, nothing wrong! I can sense foreboding rising like a bird in my breast. Don't hurt him, don't kill him. Don't hurt me. Please. Please…?

Amen.

Our Father,

Why do I want to laugh when I see Moritz Stiefel's grave? Why do I want to through my head back and release the laughter, thick and bubbling and hysterical, whenever I hear someone mention Wendla's anaemia? Am I possessed, Lord? I wouldn't be surprised. I may have caught something off someone in the colony, for God knows – well, you know – that it is all a hotbed of sin. Am I ill, lord? Did the night air when I found Moritz's body chill me into a fever so strangling that I can hardly breathe? The image haunts me. It's there in each of my nightmares; that red, red blood seeping into the soil. Its there as I lie on this scrapheap I call a home, staining the ceiling. Maybe I'm going mad, Lord. Maybe. Only you know. Send me a sign, Lord, and then maybe I shall laugh that off as well. It will be a romantic death, whichever way I go. They will remember me – that wild girl who defied everything she knew. And that makes me laugh. And then I laugh, and I cry, because who will save me from myself? Take me, Lord. Take me as I am, with all my faults and sins and flaws. Take me and do what you will with me. Take me to my Moritz.

Amen.

Our Father,

Man shalt not lie with man for it is an abomination. That is what your book says – you should know, you wrote it. I have always been devout, Father, to your teachings. I was a choir boy until my voice began to lower in pitch. I knew all my prayers, all my psalms, all my hymns. So, how is it that I have unwittingly and unwillingly defied everything the Good Book says? A few weeks back, I said I needed a sign, Father, and you sent me one in the form of this beautiful blonde boy, and now what am I supposed to do when accepting this sign goes against everything I believe in? You are all I know, Father! All I have ever been taught and remembered is You! I have followed all of your teachings to the letter, and now have become so confused. I don't know what to do, Father. It is not a simple matter of a stirring of the soul – it is much more. I love him, Father. And if he is a temptation from the Devil himself, then what shall I do? Help me, Father! I need your guidance! I need your love and your personal help to help me through, because I can't lose you, Lord. I can't lose you, but I can't lose him either.

Amen…

Our Father,

And so the lion lay down with the lamb, as they say. He is my temptation. He quenches my thirst and satisfies my hunger – in both senses of the word. His smile raises something in me, a fire that cannot be extinguished. I want him, Lord, and I shall have him. I want to capture every clumsy movement, every bashful smile everything that makes him so…him. I hate to say it, Lord, but I am completely addicted. I just need more and more of him. And so, yes, I indulge myself, lose myself in him. I need no guidance, because I know that he is too good a creature to be a sin. If there is a sinner, it is me. If there is justice, let me be taken to hell and let him be spared. I entrust his safety to you, Father, and I trust that you will protect him from Earthly harms as well. He is so indebted to you, God, for everything, and I know that if you told him to give me up, he would, for he is gentle and innocent as a lamb. I do not prey on him, Lord. I only offer him an option. If it is not an easy option to make, then so be it, for I made a hard choice by letting myself be known to him. I love him, Lord. Love is not such a bad thing, is it? Either way, I shall not let him go, even if it means renouncing my faith. We are all flawed, Lord, some more than other. He is one of yours, I believe – a complete cherub in every sense. Just…let him be spared.

Amen.

Dear Lord,

Today, you took Wendla from us. Today, you decided she was too good for this world, and so you took her to yours. I will not ask you why, Lord, for I am sure your reasons are divine, and I only hope that you will look after her there. For, she was too good – for all of us. She did not deserve to live in world full of hate and sin. Especially my sins, Lord. She was so close to my sins. My sins of the flesh – that is what He calls them. I do not wish to sin, Lord. I love you as a good Christian girl should. So, all I ask of you is that you protect me. When he comes to my room, Lord, let him pass by. When Mama tells me to go to bed tonight, let her keep him downstairs a little longer. When the other girls ask me to tell them what is wrong, let me have the courage to do so. I know that I must honour my father and my mother, and I do. I do, Lord. I try so hard to be good for them. So please protect me. Please look after me. And please protect Moritz's soul. He was a good boy, really. But I pray you; do not let me be hurt tonight.

Amen.

**Note – Well! That was depressing! Now, something for you! Because it is Christmas, I want to challenge you to what I call "Chalcy's Christmas Challenge"! I am challenging you to write a oneshot to be posted on Christmas Day. It can be any pairing, or a songfic, or any genre you want. But there are 3 rules: 1. It must be based in or around Christmas. 2. You must read and review any other stories posted under this challenge. 3. ****It must be posted on Christmas Day. Thanks for taking the time to read this!**


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